FIVE YEARS AGO

My daughter-in-law, Frances, might as well have a PhD in Organization......she's that good at it. She offered to be helpful in sorting through what's in my Assisted Living room, so yesterday, we started the task. Two hours later I was in tears at the need to dump so much of what I had thought to be important. Letters from authors and illustrators, lots of little notebooks with tidbits of information, important to no one but myself, articles about places I'd hoped to visit, restaurant possibilities. Goodbye to all of it.

One thing I happened across was the draft of the speech I gave at Chris and Frances's wedding banquet five years ago. It was one of the happiest occasions I'd ever attended. Wait.......it was THE most jubilant gathering of my life (tied, perhaps, by Mr. Bob's memorial service.....more on that tomorrow).

Here's what I had to say:

I can't tell you how happy I am to be here at this celebration. Most of you are probably aware that Chris and Frances have known each other for 20 years and have been "an item" for the last twelve years. Tonight I have a few words to say about patience.

Christopher, from birth, has always done things in his own good time and in his own way. When he was two years old we enrolled in a Mommy & Me class and on the first day of the session he refused the offer of bells and wouldn't march with the other children in a circle. He stood close by my side and watched. This went on for week after week until finally one day he accepted the bells and joined in the march.........never mind that he went in the opposite direction of his classmates.  I felt that my patience had paid off.

Several years ago Frances related an interesting story about something that had happened with a friend and I said, "Frances, we should have a party so I could meet all of your interesting friends." and Frances's answer surprised me when she said, "That would be called a wedding." At that time there were no upcoming plans for a marriage between our son and his beloved Frances, but patience was called into practice......and here we are tonight, celebrating with family and friends that wedding which took place yesterday.

Along with wishing this perfectly matched couple a long and happy marriage, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the Hui family for the patience you've displayed and to assure you that when a Humphrey male finally commits with his heart and soul, it's forever.

                                                                                                                            Next, Mr. Bob said a few words during which his emotions rose to the surface. It was an evening of happy tears, laughter, and tremendous good cheer as the occupants of the head table worked their way through the room to give each guest the opportunity to toast the newlyweds.

 
I'm not at all sure that I didn't blog about this five years ago. I hope your memory of reading about it is as foggy as my own.

Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy.Saadi

HO HUM, ANOTHER MIRACLE

Chris and his family arrived yesterday, always a joyful reunion. Admittedly, this photo was taken during a visit in June; I'm still working on how to download photos from my camera and my iPhone on to the computer.

The miraculous part is that the two "boys" managed to connect me to the Internet. I can now blog from my room for the first time in six or seven months.

For months I tested positive for having a urinary tract infection. I promised you the story of my hallucinations. They were more vivid than anything that actually happens in my life. And they continued for some time before we were told that often urinary tract infections can mimic the symptoms of Alzheimer's disease or senior dementia.

The  children first noticed  when there was a change in my ability to communicate. I told them, in all seriousness, that I had been shopping for swimwear with Michelle Obama among other ridiculous and impossible claims. My creative imagination wove complicated situations into vivid fantasies.....not especially pleasant ones. Several times I was holed up in an attic in an empty house. Always someone from my real life would figure in the account. Not pretty, I can assure you.

That part's behind me, thank God. And five kinds of antibiotics finally cured the long-lasting UTI, either that or it was the supplement discovered by Tim online. We may never know. Of this I'm sure, though. All those antibiotics set the scene for some nasty rashes and one of the medications caused spots and unbearable itching that were diagnosed and treated as scabies. Five treatments I had, to eradicate the invading itch causing mites.......cream applied from chin to toe and showered off eight hours later. Five treatments with no visible improvement. Anyone who entered my room first had to don a yellow gown and gloves.

The quarantine lasted over two weeks. It was a lonely time.

Susan, in Alaska, came up with the possibility of the prescribed Keflex causing an allergic reaction. Right she was.

We're enjoying Owen and his parents and trying to forget some of our recent episodes.

How I long to tell Mr. Bob some of these stories. All the more reason that the web log must carry on.

OWEN TAKES TEA

ON THEIR RECENT VISIT, I made reservations for us to have lunch at a nearby tearoom, a new experience for Owen. Frances thought that he recognized the special treatment.......the waitress pushed his chair closer to the table and tucked a napkin under his chin. His manners were impeccable (thank you, Father) and he was served ahead of the rest of us, finishing his egg salad sandwich before the rest of us began to eat. Out of a choice of lemonade, cocoa or tea, he selected hot chocolate. (At the Manor when offered ice cream for dessert, he had asked what flavors and when the waitress got to coffee after vanilla and chocolate, Owen said, "Oh, I don't drink coffee")

The owner of the T-Room practiced her craft in Russia before moving to the U.S. and no detail has been overlooked in making this place a highly attractive room.

After we finished our sandwiches, salads and scones, I asked Owen if he agreed that we were in a fancy place. Showing his maleness, Owen nodded and replied, "Too fancy". But I'm proud that the men in our family can weather a tea room lunch once in a while. Not all men would be that flexible.

Why our proclivity to exhibit silliness, I wonder? Chris couldn't resist the raised pinky long enough for a photo shot.

I digress, but on an earlier day, Chris had driven me to my chemotherapy treatment, after which we went to breakfast and the resulting photos showed an odd likeness in the handling of a coffee cup. Neither of us is using the handle which seems rather unusual and what are the chances of both of us exhibiting unusual behavior?

"Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on."  
                                                 ~Billy Connolly

CHOCOLATE

FUNNY WHAT MEMORIES remain in your head. It's been forever since a friendly customer told me that when his friend was suffering something traumatic, he loaded up a basket with candy bars, popcorn, sodas, cookies and took her for a ride. They parked by a lake and talked and ate and listened and talked some more. That struck me as such a caring thing to do and while I've never found the opportunity to employ the method, it's there in my head if the need should arise.


Something akin to that happened this morning.  Chris bid us adieu.

How quickly time passes. He arrived last Saturday and so soon the time came to part.

Susan came back from taking Chris to the train station where he was to board a bus to Bakersfield from where a train would return him home. She was carrying a sizable box from the mail room. Inside the package was a veritable wealth of chocolate. Chocolate cookies, chocolate kisses, chocolate truffles and something new to me, chocolate kettle corn. Accompanied by the perfect greeting card, this assortment brought a smile to Mr. Bob's face and I actually swooned.

To appreciate the card you need to know that Owen is very much into Star Wars these days, as evidenced by the Halloween costumes their family made. (Much as we love to shop, in our family, we think Halloween costumes should be made. Chris' boots consisted of three layers of duct tape and were a challenge to remove.) 

Inside the chocolatey card, Owen had drawn a picture and dictated a letter to Frances:

Dear Granny,

I hope you feel better soon. I wrote a funny Star Wars joke book. When you feel better you should come over to see the book. There are no pictures or stories about heffalumps in Star Wars. There is no Play-Doh in Star Wars.

I love you, Granny.

             

                        Love,

                              Owen

"After about 20 years of marriage, I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate."
                                                                                                       Mel Gibson

WHEW!

LET'S JUST SAY it wasn't a whole lot of fun, this past phantasmagorical experience of mine. But you all played a large part in helping me get through it and so did our three remarkable offspring. Susan has a huge amount of past nursing experience because Justin has had so many surgeries; Chris, even with his finely tuned sense of humor, is the most serious of the group and his logic is to be listened to. Tim has been close-by and understands the lay of the land and arrived at my bedside the first day with a slender vase holding 2 gerbera flowers and a little box of truffles (which might not have been endorsed, but what a healing thought!)  All of them make me laugh........the best medicine, after all.




Susan was appropriately attired in her "Fight like a girl" shirt complete with the pink ribbon logo. In the past we've not been in the habit of being a highly demonstrative family, but kisses and hugs abounded the past few days, a highly moving experience for a mama.


We kept Mr. Bob away from the hospital and possible germs. While I was in the hospital, he was busy receiving his final chemotherapy treatments. 

Irene, who asked for my
blog address.

Evy, on the
night shift

In my two days there, I had a sort of slideshow of impressions of things that transpired. The staff changed with regularity, rarely with any one member working two days running. Lots of names to learn.

Out of the blue, a customer from long ago appeared with her dog who visits hospital patients. She used to be a guide dog trainer and one summer her son and a dog came to do storytime weekly at our bookshop. So much for "no visitors".

One night I was persuaded to don my robe and shuffle down the hall to a little balcony for a breath of fresh air. I'm swallowing a fair amount of pride to post this picture but it's not nearly as bad as this one:

I hope that lump on my backside is the drain. Doc Martin and I share the condition of hemophobia and catching sight of the drain or the tubing is more than I can tolerate. Hopefully it can be removed (help!) next Monday.

Upon arriving home yesterday, Chris captured an unflattering  shot of his sister and she was brave enough to sanction my posting it. We whisked our way through the halls and up in the elevator, seeing barely a soul........entered the apartment and the first thing I caught sight of was a bunch of tulips.........

tulips from our never-seen friend in Pennsylvania........... thank you, Val!

"We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world."      

                                        Helen Keller

LIVING VICARIOUSLY

CHRIS and his family had the opportunity to visit friends somewhere in the vicinity of Santa Rosa, CA last weekend. The location was off the beaten path and involved getting there on a dirt road.

When I opened my mail this morning, I found this message and the enclosed photos.

Here are a few photos from the trip we took. All of their power is solar and their water comes from a spring. Owen had a fun time even though he started out wearing an eye patch. He had bumped his eye with a coat hanger while getting clothes ready for the trip. He kept rubbing it so we got an eye patch which really helped. From their front porch you can see a nearby Buddhist monastery on a mountain ridge.        

Owen took the last picture of Larry.

                                                                           Chris

Can you imagine living in such surroundings? I'm not very much of an outdoors person, but I'm a good appreciator.

The pictures convey a lovely weekend. Meanwhile, here at home, I'm trying to concentrate on my newly framed poster, keeping calm and carrying on. The telephoned report from the doctor who did yesterday's biopsy did not impart information I wanted to hear, but here's one way of looking at it; Mr. Bob and I have one more thing in common. I'll see a surgeon next Monday at which point I'll have some decisions to make.

"Maybe it's easier to like someone else's life, and live vicariously through it, than take some responsiblity to change our lives into lives we might like."

                                                                                                               Tish Grier

FATHER'S DAY, 2011

We had a very nice Father's Day, with Christopher and Owen from Castro Valley and Tim from Hollywood.

"Any man can be a Father but it takes someone special to be a dad."                                                             Anne Geddes 

HEALING WISHES

THE OUTPOURING of good wishes for Mr. Bob's recovery has been amazing. I take him verbal expressions from the residents and staff every time I visit and carry to him any cards which have been slipped under our door. You've been privy to the heartfelt comments left on our blog entries. One envelope came in the mail from a friend/blog follower and look how well she understood the name change to our living quarters........now that we're the be.group.......her envelope bore several "be" messages. Headquarters would be pleased that an outsider understands the change so well.

Cards and phone calls have poured in and today Mr. Bob emailed me a picture of flowers that had arrived. From whom? Sent by Val, a lovely lady we've never met in person, but a follower of not only our web log, but also our flickr photostream. It's a little mind boggling, to say the least, to get flowers from a friend in Pennsylvania ....someone we've yet to meet. Mr. Bob thanks you, Val. What a sweet surprise!

The family has gathered. Chris and his wife and son had plans to come down long before Mr. Bob was brought to his knees and rushed to the hospital. They had plans to attend the Star Wars concert at the Hollywood Bowl because four-year-old Owen is  currently fixated with the subject. When the tickets were ordered it was with the idea that Mr. Bob would attend, too, but our Susan, flying in from Alaska took his place. She made the executive decision to come down to advocate for us.........she being of a generation which isn't afraid to speak up for adequate service from nurses. I never thought of taking a washcloth to the hospital so the patient could have a nice, warm face wash. The nurses hadn't thought of it within the past week, either. Susan to the rescue!

I'm afraid Humphrey humor tends to be bawdy, and Chris snapped this picture which shows the shortage of seating arrangements in the hospital room. Susan wants me to assure you that the seat is down on the bedside commode. And for the record, Mr. Bob absolutely refuses to have anything to do with it, so I'm glad it's getting some use because the charge for it will appear on our bill.

Even Ms. Susan can't work the miracle of arranging to talk to the doctor so we'll have to wait until next week to find out the results of the biopsies which means another long weekend of confinement. "Thou shall keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee." Amen.