MEMORIAL MEMORIES

In sorting through the stacks of cards that have arrived over the past six months........get well cards, birthday cards, thinking-of-you cards and messages of condolence, there was a letter from Lisa (pictured above) that I thought summed up Mr. Bob's memorial service better than anything I could write and I'd like to share it with you here.

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Dear Jane,

Words are not easy to find.

I didn't want to write until after Bob's memorial. I was sure I would learn a great deal from the Humphrey approach to a major Life event......always with inspiration, imagination, creativity and heart. I knew I would be touched. I knew I would find many valuable lessons. I did not know it would transcend any memorial I've ever attended. It was absolutely perfect from the warm greetings, to the beautiful photographs, to the heartfelt words, to the cloud of pure love emanating from the room. Your family was absolutely beautiful, each and every one. They did their father and their grandfather and their mother proud.

Tim's solo, joined by the jazz band was one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard. It expressed what could never be said with words. And, to end with "When the Saints Go Marching In" and the proud parade of the jazz umbrella.......was to know, without doubt, that a saint went marching in.

I found myself celebrating how loudly Bob lived.....in a very quiet way. I learned so much in his presence. People who live out loud never seem to have the same powerful effect of men like Bob who have no need to brag and boast. Actions define them. I was enheartened by those observations. I watched a real man love his life, his family, his wife, and his friends while saying very few words.

One of my indelible memories will always be the example you both set as husband and wife. It is unparalleled and will always guide me.......perfect in any imperfections, sweeter than any relationship I have ever observed. I have watched you and Bob live it consistently. You were incredible teachers.

The other words that will linger was the compliment that will always define you and Bob........that you changed the Manor. Your presence, your energy, your creativity, your warmth, your service ....gave it new heart, new soul. How beautifully the words were shared and how much it compliments you and Bob. That is a legacy!  That is something to strive for.......and you accomplished that by the sincere act of being yourselves!


Again, I am enheartened.
                                                                All my love,
                                                                              Lisa

Tim spoke of the music that his dad had appreciated.

Tim had taken a few clarinet lessons ten years ago, soon giving it up.
His playing at the memorial came as a complete surprise.

The Golden Eagle Jazz Band marched in after Tim played the opening bars.

Mr. Bob would have loved the music, but he'd never in the world have believed his memorial would draw such a crowd.

My words were few. I said that I had indeed married well and that Mr. Bob would be sorely missed.

Owen and his cousin, Ethan, were models of decorum
during the memorial.

Jeanine had spoken earlier of Mr. Bob winning the
jazz umbrella. He made a gift of it to her and we
were surprised that she brought it to the event and
marched to "When the Saints Go Marching In".

The Manor kitchen prepared a feast of delectable food.

Mr. Bob loved mariachi music, and so did the guests.

Here is Susan and her beautiful daughter and two sons. It was a blessing we
could all be together.

Memorial: A farewell party for someone who already left.z

HO HUM, ANOTHER MIRACLE

Chris and his family arrived yesterday, always a joyful reunion. Admittedly, this photo was taken during a visit in June; I'm still working on how to download photos from my camera and my iPhone on to the computer.

The miraculous part is that the two "boys" managed to connect me to the Internet. I can now blog from my room for the first time in six or seven months.

For months I tested positive for having a urinary tract infection. I promised you the story of my hallucinations. They were more vivid than anything that actually happens in my life. And they continued for some time before we were told that often urinary tract infections can mimic the symptoms of Alzheimer's disease or senior dementia.

The  children first noticed  when there was a change in my ability to communicate. I told them, in all seriousness, that I had been shopping for swimwear with Michelle Obama among other ridiculous and impossible claims. My creative imagination wove complicated situations into vivid fantasies.....not especially pleasant ones. Several times I was holed up in an attic in an empty house. Always someone from my real life would figure in the account. Not pretty, I can assure you.

That part's behind me, thank God. And five kinds of antibiotics finally cured the long-lasting UTI, either that or it was the supplement discovered by Tim online. We may never know. Of this I'm sure, though. All those antibiotics set the scene for some nasty rashes and one of the medications caused spots and unbearable itching that were diagnosed and treated as scabies. Five treatments I had, to eradicate the invading itch causing mites.......cream applied from chin to toe and showered off eight hours later. Five treatments with no visible improvement. Anyone who entered my room first had to don a yellow gown and gloves.

The quarantine lasted over two weeks. It was a lonely time.

Susan, in Alaska, came up with the possibility of the prescribed Keflex causing an allergic reaction. Right she was.

We're enjoying Owen and his parents and trying to forget some of our recent episodes.

How I long to tell Mr. Bob some of these stories. All the more reason that the web log must carry on.

OUR 2011 THANKSGIVING

HOW I WISH I had kept a record of our 59 Thanksgivings. Each the same at its core, but with variations on the basic theme. This year it was decided that eating here at the Manor was too good an idea to pass up.......no preparation (I love the image of women at church services, hands smelling of onions on the morning of the holiday) and better yet, no clean up. 

Remember 2010 when Roger was recuperating following a lengthy illness and we brought turkey  to the hospital cafeteria? (for the curious amongst you, Fiona is still going strong, but this year chose to go with lady friends to dinner and a movie.)


It was Chef Darin's first Thanksgiving at the Manor and along with oven roasted bird, he offered deep fried turkey which unanimously we voted the "best turkey we'd ever eaten". The rest of the feast was quite traditional. Good, good, good.


Roger and Mr. Bob wore their Reyn Spooner holiday shirts, dated 2008, Roger's with a darker background than Mr. Bob's, but the same design. 

After dinner we repaired to Diane and Roger's beautiful home for pumpkin pie and to decorate their Christmas tree, using the fairytale ornaments that Diane bought at our "estate sale", finding them under a pile of junk. 

It's a good thing to see them used properly. Most years, after the kids were grown and gone, we didn't put up a tree and when we did, only a few of the fairytale ornaments found their way to the limbs along with our other baubles. Diane knows how to do it right and her tree was a marvel to behold.

Tim's height helped to place the messenger of God at the tiptop where angels belong and voila!

Let Christmas begin!

"The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect!"

                    ~ Charles S. Barnard

WHEW!

LET'S JUST SAY it wasn't a whole lot of fun, this past phantasmagorical experience of mine. But you all played a large part in helping me get through it and so did our three remarkable offspring. Susan has a huge amount of past nursing experience because Justin has had so many surgeries; Chris, even with his finely tuned sense of humor, is the most serious of the group and his logic is to be listened to. Tim has been close-by and understands the lay of the land and arrived at my bedside the first day with a slender vase holding 2 gerbera flowers and a little box of truffles (which might not have been endorsed, but what a healing thought!)  All of them make me laugh........the best medicine, after all.




Susan was appropriately attired in her "Fight like a girl" shirt complete with the pink ribbon logo. In the past we've not been in the habit of being a highly demonstrative family, but kisses and hugs abounded the past few days, a highly moving experience for a mama.


We kept Mr. Bob away from the hospital and possible germs. While I was in the hospital, he was busy receiving his final chemotherapy treatments. 

Irene, who asked for my
blog address.

Evy, on the
night shift

In my two days there, I had a sort of slideshow of impressions of things that transpired. The staff changed with regularity, rarely with any one member working two days running. Lots of names to learn.

Out of the blue, a customer from long ago appeared with her dog who visits hospital patients. She used to be a guide dog trainer and one summer her son and a dog came to do storytime weekly at our bookshop. So much for "no visitors".

One night I was persuaded to don my robe and shuffle down the hall to a little balcony for a breath of fresh air. I'm swallowing a fair amount of pride to post this picture but it's not nearly as bad as this one:

I hope that lump on my backside is the drain. Doc Martin and I share the condition of hemophobia and catching sight of the drain or the tubing is more than I can tolerate. Hopefully it can be removed (help!) next Monday.

Upon arriving home yesterday, Chris captured an unflattering  shot of his sister and she was brave enough to sanction my posting it. We whisked our way through the halls and up in the elevator, seeing barely a soul........entered the apartment and the first thing I caught sight of was a bunch of tulips.........

tulips from our never-seen friend in Pennsylvania........... thank you, Val!

"We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world."      

                                        Helen Keller

TULIPS

I'VE KNOWN PEOPLE who say that cut flowers remind them of funerals. Maybe it all has to do with childhood and I can't even recall the first funeral I attended, but I don't associate flowers with it particularly. Thank goodness!




When we meet for lunch,  Susie usually brings me a bouquet from her bountiful garden. She has a knack, not only for gardening, but for putting form and color together in informal arrangements that please me no end. Thank you, dear Susie!

Once in a while I yearn for a clutch of tulips. I rely on Trader Joe's to supply me when the urge strikes. There's something about the way that tulips rearrange themselves, seemingly during the night, that fascinates me. And did you know that they continue to grow once in water? Therefore, the arrangement gets taller and when the flowers droop to one side, I'm in heaven.

Now about the other Tulip......the Bedlington Terrier that's in Tim's life. It's an interesting situation in that the dog is owned by a friend who lives in an apartment that doesn't allow animals, so Tulip lives with Tim at night, but is picked up by the friend on his way to work at his dog grooming establishment. When Tim walks Tulip, they are continuously stopped by people who ask about the breed, never before having seen a Bedlington which for all the world, does resemble a little sheep. 


Forty-nine years ago, while Tim was in utero, we bought a full-grown Bedlington. Buddy came from a family of adults and didn't much like sharing attention with our children. He lasted three weeks in our household until we were forced to admit that it wasn't a good match and returned him to his former owners. I don't think we even asked for a refund, in the shame of our failure.

In the years she's lived with Tim, Tulip has barked only once. She's a most unusual being (don't we all say or at least think that about our children?) For instance, at Christmastime, Tim puts antique toys under his tree. To the side is a basket with Tulip's toys in it. With no training whatsoever, Tulip helps herself to her playthings, but never touches the other treasures. We're not altogether sure whether it's brilliance or possibly the other end of the intelligence scale. No matter, we love Tulip for who she is.


The poignant part is that Tim's friend has just purchased a condo. It's a place that allows animals.

In other words, Tulip will be going away. It makes me sad to think about it.

“Lamott is an unstoppable storyteller, whether writing about church-going with a sullen adolescent or reconciling with her late mother. She rages against the Iraq war but takes comfort from her sage-like Presbyterian minister, who says faith is not about how we feel; it is about how we live. ... Rule 1: We are all family. Rule 2: You reap exactly what you sow, that is, you cannot grow tulips from zucchini seeds. Rule 3: Try to breathe every few minutes or so. Rule 4: It helps beyond words to plant bulbs in the dark of winter. Rule 5: It is immoral to hit first.”

Anne Lamott

ALL IN A DAY

OKAY, here's what really happened last Friday. When I fill in with a story from the past, it means one of two things. Either I'm sick and tired of reporting sick-and-tired Humphrey news or I can't figure out the right words for what's happening. My appointment for the bone scan/chest x-ray/blood test was on Thursday and I thought I had it all figured out. Drive to the hospital for the dye injection, giving it three hours to get to my bones and return for the actual scan plus the other procedures.

Time got away from me and I was about six blocks from home when I looked at the clock and realized that in ten minutes I was to be at a committee meeting to choose the next series of films. See Sept. 3's entry, "MOVIE CRITICS"........the Director of Smut couldn't miss a meeting.

I called the hospital, rearranged my schedule, changing it from Thursday to Friday and with three other residents, chose 29 films for the next 7 months. Hopefully, none with foul language or hanky-panky.


Friday dawned and I went first for a CEA test. Three technicians were on hand. I asked which one was going to be drawing blood. They pointed to the girl who looked about eleven years old. "Are you new at this?", I asked. "Yes." "How many times have you done this?" "Five times". Said I, "Well, I really don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'd rather have a more experienced person do this."

So, with that out of the way, off I went to the radiation department, Tim trailing behind, carrying the bag that held everything I might need. What a good sport he is!






I didn't get the x-ray man's name. It seems a very unusual thing for a patient to be documenting a medical experience. Once in a while a person will decline being photographed, but most are cooperative.




Bone scan time........Mr. Tom looked familiar and sure enough he was the one that put me through a machine a year ago for something not related to cancer.

2010

2011

Next came the feeling of "There! That's all finished." I do love that feeling of accomplishment when something dreaded is over.

Tim named me obsessive when I felt the need to tell the admission clerk that there was something under a chair in the waiting area that might be an M&M, but then again it could be a pill. What if a child ingested it?

We left the hospital to find that it had rained in our absence. Tim was so excited that he came close to splashing in the puddles on the way to the car.

When we arrived at the Manor, Mr. Bob greeted us with the news that the surgeon had called to report that the MRI showed more lesions..... this time in both breasts. So much for my feeling of achievement.

Remember the saying that my friend's mother utters during times of stress? "We'll get through this, but we won't ever look the same." I'm afraid that in my case that's all too true. When I was thinking about new clothes, I didn't mean a prosthesis. Be careful what you wish for.