REMEDIAL ACTIVITY

I'm still here but I've been without access to the internet for six months so imagine my reaction when Tim hooked me up to the world when he visited last evening. The first thing I did was to go to the blog and I read the most recent entries and wept and wept......both at what our offspring wrote and all of your comments. It was quite overwhelming, to put it mildly.

I've forgotten how to blog. It's taken a fair amount of time today just to get this far. Being confined to bed since early February means I've also lost the ability to walk. One should have to learn that skill only once in a lifetime when it's not far to the ground. Arthritis is getting in the way this time as I struggle to make progress.

Surely it goes without saying that I miss Mr. Bob tremendously. So often it feels as though he's just in the other room and the realization that he's not is devastating. It feels as though I'm just now, three months after we lost him, beginning to really grieve. Too many people have been around me in Skilled Nursing and having a roommate, nice as she was, prevented me from venting my emotions.

You saw for yourselves how our children stepped up to the plate and in addition to doing what needed to be done, went way beyond the call of duty. I'm deeply touched by their expressions of devotion. On what would have been our 59th wedding anniversary, they sent me an arrangement of three roses, one representing each of them.  They are indeed special people.

Now the question arises about the wisdom of continuing this blog with the main character missing. Any ideas to help in my decision?

Whether we do or don't keep on with it, please know how important it was to have you walk the path with us as we weathered some very difficult times. It made all the difference in the world to have your support.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

MEET THE DOCTOR

THE TIME HAD COME to meet the doctor yesterday, the one who's in charge of Mr. Bob's radiation program. I have a great fear of medical men. So when I end up responding favorably to a doctor it's a very good sign.

 And Dr. Andrew Suen passed the test.

He was extremely personable, friendly, eager to answer any and all questions (even ones pertaining to my condition). What a relief!

The nurse, Sylvia, was equally attentive and when I enquired about her family, told me that 3 years ago she had been bedridden for 8 solid months with a mystery illness, with her son in the next bedroom with a broken leg and a husband out of work, but she overcame her back problems and one just doesn't know, does one, what other people weather in the way of challenging life situations?

 The day previous I had gone in to meet the doctor but important phone calls prevented him from seeing us. It had been a struggle to get my tired body into the waiting room from my usual place parked at the curb (taking pictures of passersby) and I tried to hide my disappointment at the need to do it all over again the next day. Sylvia was so empathic and solicitous, even holding the door open for us as we left that I went to the car and had a complete meltdown for no apparent reason at all. Out of the blue, I found myself out of control. I tell you this only because it would be wrong to appear that we're sailing through all this in an unflappable manner. We aren't. We have our moments, but it had been a long time since I'd cried without being able to stop. 


I maneuvered us home and then had to sit in the parking lot for an hour trying to get on top of the emotion and to Mr. Bob's credit, he stayed at my side even though I urged him to go ahead to our room.


Yesterday I told Sylvia it might be better not to be nice to me. And I met the doctor and I liked him and everything became rosy again.




“Tears are words the heart can't express”