Saturday, March 10, 2012

MISSING RAINBOW

Susan H writes: friends and blog followers, I don’t know about you but each time I open my email I expect to find a “Manorisms” there waiting for me to read. Knowing that there won’t be, knowing why there isn’t, I still feel disappointed. My mother’s perspective of her life and world around her is always so beautifully written. It makes me feel connected. I asked my mother if she would like me to be a guest writer until she was well enough to return from the Health Center back to her apartment. (I would never insinuate I could do as well or in the same style) She said yes but that she didn’t know how to explain the process.   


My brother Chris is on his way to Glendale this morning, with his computer knowledge, he may have created the Blog for Jane, he suggested that I write something to bring folks up to date with Jane and Mr. Bob.


Aging is different for each of us, some age with the grace of a fine wine while others have a less easy time of it, and then some of us, age like Roquefort cheese. Jane and Bob have experienced, at varying times, all stages. I wish there was dignity in ageing for all, but our family is finding out there a lot of parts that are not dignified, still, my parents have pushed through with Grace beyond what I imagined possible. As do their fellow Winsdorites, all amazing.


Thank you to the Windsor staff for treating all with dignity and holding each in the highest regard.  Be.Amazing


After my mother’s fall in the shower, dislocating her shoulder, moving to the Health Center, the retched effects of chemotherapy, something changed. I would talk with her almost daily and she would tell me she had lost her spark. She so enjoys the interaction to the folks that read her blog, meandering through the Manor stopping to visit with almost everyone, she didn’t have that to look forward to. She is not a woman that likes to be held back or told she can’t do something. She felt like she was ‘grounded’. Unable to do much with her shoulder immobilizer and having to ask for assistance each time she needed to move about, which is often, taking a diuretic. An extremely humbling experience.


Mr. Bob, still dealing with the effects of his chemotherapy and radiation, would visit every day and rest/nap on her bed while she sat in her chair.  They were together even if they were just being in the same space.


My mom, with her Humphrey sense of humor, sent me this card for my last Birthday. She is a collector of interesting cards.  



It seems my mother has lost her rainbow.


Both my parents had appointments on Thursday, Jane an MRI for her shoulder, Mr. Bob a CT scan to see if his cancer had spread. Calls and texts to both of them from their offspring on Thursday went unreturned, my brothers and I were concerned but realized they must both be exhausted from their appointments, my mother was not looking forward to the ‘tunnel’ again, for 45 minutes, she was anxious this time. So we texted each other with the assurance we would get a return call on Friday.


Friday morning Mr. Bob and Tim did get a call…. from Windsor Manor; Jane was on her way to the hospital. Weak with little color. My father still too sick to leave Windsor, felt helpless unable to be with her. Tim, who doesn’t do hospitals or medical things, has been there every step of the way, rushed to Glendale Memorial.  In the Emergency Room, Tim reported that she didn’t look well but was talking and the doctors were doing tests, moving quickly, which made him nervous. They decided to admit her. She spent the day in the ER. Her heartbeat irregular, difficult to stabilize. She was coherent and glad to have Tim with her. The doctors came back with “Arterial Fibrillation”, something that can be managed with medication and possibly a procedure. Tim stayed in contact with Chris, Dad and me through texting.


Day turned into evening, finally she her vitals were stabilized and she was moved to a room – whew


Then something changed……………Again her heart raced and then slowed, and raced again. Her blood pressure dropped, no explanation, Tim still at her side. Mr. Bob waiting to hear good news. Chris ready to come at the drop of a hat. I, being so far away could only pray and be positive, and supportive to Mr. Bob and Tim. I called my parents’ dear friends, Roger and Diane; I asked Diane, through tears, if she would give Tim a pep talk call. Her answer, “we are getting in to the car now”. They were there in minutes. I know many others would be there in minutes also, but that would mortify my mother, she does not like visitors, or surprises.


As time went on and no improvement in her blood pressure, she no longer coherent, they moved her to the intensive care unit.


Early this morning Tim texted me that he was at Jane’s side, vitals good but still despondent. My brother Chris on is on his way, taking bus line that runs Vietnamese variety shows on the TV screens. He will be there this afternoon. He will be a huge support to Tim and Mr. Bob. I keep telling myself she will pull through this just has she has with other challenges, she has the love of family and friends, there are more blogs for her to write, pictures to take, people to visit with, she is not done.


Please send Jane rainbows and positive healing thoughts. Strength, healing thoughts and an appetite to Mr. Bob. Thank you  

43 comments:

  1. Thank you, Susan for sharing what is happening with your parents. I have waited nervously for the return of Jane's posts. Lee is also going through chemotherapy, so I have first-hand familiarity with its ravages. I continue to send positive thoughts every single day. Please let them know that I also send love. XO

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  2. With deep gratitude, thank you, Susan. Thank you for sharing the news and doing it with such careful, thoughtful words. You painted a clear picture, even if I wanted a rainbow.

    I'm sure it is without saying, Jane's faithful blog readers will be glad to get this post. Please know the love and prayers have never stopped and will continue faithfully.

    Your parents and your family are dearly loved.

    Please keep us posted.

    Constant love, Lisa

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  3. I do believe an open and caring person like Jane would want us to know what you have shared. You (and she and Bob and Tim, Chris) are not alone. Everybody here misses them both. We see Bob and I visited Jane several times. It is not possible that this spiral has started. I do hope it is arrested now. Yes, I'll pray for both.
    Neighbor Jeanne #409

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  4. Thank you Susan for the report. I had seen both of them Thursday before she had the MRI, having taken the pill to relax her some. Dad looked good to me and gives good hugs but nevertheless worried. Anxiously awaiting your next report.
    Carol

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  5. We think of them daily and pray also, even more now. Wish they could know how much brightness -- rainbows! -- they have brought to other lives.

    Love from Lynne

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  6. Susan - I'm grateful that you have written the blog today to let us know. I understand how difficult this is for all of you. My family sends its love and most earnest healing wishes.

    Melinda Utal-Martinez

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  7. Thank you for the update Susan. Heartfelt thoughts, prayers, and healing wishes to all of you.
    ~Mary Jo in Vermont

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  8. Susan, Tim and Chris,
    Thanks for your efforts. Jane and Mr. Bob are in our prayers and thoughts. More rainbows are on the way.
    Susie and Bill

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  9. Praying for Jane and Mr. Bob. Hoping that there will be rainbows again very soon!

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  10. Oh, Susan, Tim and Chris, I'm tearing up reading this. Thank you so much for the update on Jane and Bob.

    You're such a beautiful family, and you remind me so much of my own sibs as we tended my own parents and their many tribulations. Jane and Bob have been through so much--I think of you all so very often. Please tell them both for me that they are so often in my thoughts. I met your parents one night a few years ago, and spent a quick dinner with them, but I feel as if I've known them for a long time, through flickr, and blogs, and photos, and paintings. I think we all ache to think of either of them having to go through such difficulties. I'm so sorry it has been such a difficult time for you all. Sending a virtual hug across the country... Your family is really wonderful. Please send them all my love,
    Sue

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  11. To: Susan
    George & I are very sorry to know Jane is in intensive care. We certainly hope she can pull through & recover to resume her usal activites.
    She & I sometimes exchange monthly letters at the end of the month. Somehow February passed very fast & I sent e mail to jane. In our family George is the main computer person as I've not much ability in that area other than games like solitare or unblock.
    Please tell Jane that we are thinking of her& we sincerely hope she recovers soon
    We are both ok & we look forward to a visit this evening with our grandaughter, Kelsey, who spent the day in Portland where she coached a volleyball team of middleschool students. She's a student at the Uni. of Oregon in Eugene & we don't often see her.
    Thanks you again for keeping us informed
    Love Julia

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  12. Do not have Susan's e mail address
    George & Julia Holtzinger
    JGHoltzinger@comcast.net

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  13. Please let Jane know many, many people love her and are more than happy they have had the chance to meet her and Mr. Bob through her writings. Having just lost my dad...I feel for all of you. I hope you find peace Jane, please, you and Mr. Bob... You have both touched lives that reach far beyond the obvious, for that, thank you.
    Susan thank you for letting all of us know.

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  14. Thanks so much for the update. I knew Jane must not be feeling well when there wasn't any Blogs. Please let Tim and Chris know that I am here if there is anything I can so to help out. I know that offer is also true for the rest of the Buena Vista Dinner Club. We are all just a phone call away. Jane & Bob are missed on Thur Dinner
    You all are in my prayers,RAINBOWS aren't far away
    Love to All
    Susie H

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  15. Thank you, Susan, for providing answers to my wondering "How are Jane and Bob?" With her whimsical yet grounded sense of humor, Jane will find her rainbow again -- it's still there behind these thick clouds.

    I'm sending all of you healing thoughts, absence of pain, good appetite, warm hugs, and all the strength you need.
    Love to your folks, Jeannie

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  16. Hello Susan,

    Thank you for writing and letting us know what has been happening. I believe your writing style is wonderful, as you've
    managed to convey the information factually, though making me cry. Not your intention but I'm sure I'm not the only one.

    What can we do? Do you have any thoughts? You've said Jane would not want visitors. Can you please keep posting?

    I pray to my own "Great Spirit" for each of you, something I never discuss. Please give my love to Jane. She must get well....

    Love to you,

    Erika

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  17. My prayers are for Jane's heart to settle down and do what it does best. I am so grateful Susan, that you lovingly took the time to write us all such a thorough report. I too knew something was still not right without the blog..I have attended four services, two today, for persons near and dear in one way or another in the last 3 weeks..I understand the not wanting visitors and the humbleness Jane must be feeling here and there. Time, as a son not in like with hospitals and such, is doing such a loving thing for his mum. I have felt today how much today is where i must live. Tell those i love and cherish as friends how much they mean to me. Jane gave me a book to write in each day of the week..answer one question. There is not a day that i write in it, that i do not think of her and the gift of that book.
    How lucky are we, who have met Jane and Bob and have got to share in the love for each other and the love for us they show through their actions and the sharing here of their lives. I hope both these dear souls sleep tonight..a good restful sleep.

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  18. Thank you so much for letting us know what has been happening in your parents' lives - they were frequently in my thoughts over the last month, hoping so hard that all was well and yet, knowing how frail they are, fearful. Please know that many rainbows are coming your way, may Jane find hers again soon !
    Suzan xxx

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  19. Sometimes life is so hard.
    Thank you Susan for this "blog" i have wondered and wondered .
    your Mother has given me wisdom and hope many many times
    thank you and please give my good wishes

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  20. Thank you for the update! I've been concerned by the silence. Love to all of you! You are in our prayers! Love, Shelley

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  21. Thank you Susan for your participation in your mother's blog. I have been worried about her silence. I didn't expect it to be so serious. I have been missing her posts, her e-mails, her quotations and her spark.
    Please, give her all my regards and love from this distant corner of the world!

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  22. What your parents mean to so many of us is in itself a wonder to behold. May you all feel the love and comfort offered up to you from near and far. That Bob get stronger and Jane gets her spark back are as much for us as for them.
    Denise in Charlottesville, Virginia

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  23. Ehanks for the updates. I hope that all of yo will stay strong and keep smiling !Love you A Non Y Mouse LaVona

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  24. I am tired so sorry about the miss spelling. LOL
    Anon Y Mouse

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  25. Thanks Susan for the update. I have missed your Mom's blog for days. I was afraid. What a lovely woman she is. I met Jane and Bob during a Leisure Club trip to Yosemite. She was a sketcher (my kind of thing) so admiring her work, I introduced myself. She introduced herself as, "plain Jane." Well, not plain at all. I send loving thoughts to all this very nice family. Marlene Plummer

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  26. Susan...thank you. When I opened my mail and saw a Manorisms my heart soared and I'm quite sure I'm not the only one. By being a guest blogger for your Mom you have not only given her a gift, but also one to all of her followers who have missed her so very much. This has got to be such a tough time for your whole family. Sending waves of love to you all and a special big hug for Mr. Bob.
    Cheers and Love,
    Timi

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  27. Thanks, Susan...I miss Jane's blob and am devastated to know the reason it's not arriving like a ray of sunshine
    every morning. I'm a Hoover HIgh School classmate now living in the wilds of Northern New Mexico
    and I love hearing what's going on in my old home town and getting Jane's wonderful perspectives on aging
    and living well and long-term marriage and the like. Give her my love and order her to get better immediately! Nancy Foster

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  28. Susan H writes: Oh my goodness - there are not words to describe how much all of your messages of hope, love, compassion, emphathy means to our family. As many know I am in Alaska, I wish I knew how to use the blog to keep everyone updated. It is chris' knowledge and expertise. Jane was alert and awake for a short while last evening. Tim read her the blog and comments. She was comforted. Thank you all. I do check email from work. My email address is humphrey.susanjan@gmail.com I can get folks information that way. Again, thank you, thank you

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  29. Your text and the comments are profoundly moving. We too think of Jane and Mr. Bob often.

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  30. Dear Susan,
    Thank-you for letting me know of Jane's condition and situation, although the knowledge is heart rending. I am sending rainbows of love, warmth and healing to Jane and to you and
    to Tim, Chris and Mr. Bob. Reading Jane's postings all these years have added countless
    rainbows to my life and I will gladly send them all back to Jane, hoping it will help her heal. Love and strength to you all, Robin

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  31. Dear Susan, I echo the above comments both for my appreciation for your well chosen words Susan (which indeed brought on continual tears) and for the prayers and well wishes for Jane to recover from this unexpected and frightening heart complication! Also I send my love to my dear friends, Jane, Bob, Susan, Chris and Tim. Yes, bring on the rainbows right now please! Much love, Nancy Coler

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  32. Thank you so very much for this update, Susan. I was concerned about the silence from the Manor. Please tell Jane and Mr. Bob that Minnesota is experiencing pouring rain instead of the usual snow. Rain makes for much better rainbows than does snow and a number of us are sending them West. Thanks again for the update and please give Jane a very gentle hug from me and give Mr. Bob a good old fashioned hug as well.
    Love from Minnesota
    One of the Birds

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  33. Anne (ajanda@villageshores.com)March 12, 2012 at 9:23 AM

    Susan, et al.
    I'm having a thought. Is it permissible to publish the address of the Health Center where we may find Jane? I'm wondering if there is a way we can inundate her with cards that are all signed by "ROY G. BIV"? (Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet?)
    Anne

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  34. Susan H writes: Anne thank you for the wonderful thought, a rainbow would be wonderful. Jane is now in an isolated room, mask, gloves, gown needs to be worn to be in her room. Her white blood count is so low there aren't taking any risks. They will not allow flowers in that setting, we don't have any idea how long she will be in isolation. Thank you though.

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  35. Thank you, Susan. I will ask Roy G. Biv to address the cards to the Manor. Masks and gowns! Not even a HINT of a rainbow there.
    xoxo
    Anne

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  36. Dave & ShirleyMarch 12, 2012 at 7:00 PM

    Dear Susan...thanks so much for the update...Shirley and I are heartbroken our dear friends are going through this trial. Who needs this at "our" age...or any age I guess. We feel helpless, and wish we could go hold a hand or administer a hug, she and he both like hugs. They deserve hugs and hopefully that "rainbow" will appear again. It`s still up there, it just needs to be where they can see it. I need some direction here Susan, please let us know what we can do. I know they both have a lot left, and I want some. I`m looking forward to see them both again soon. We love you. Dave & Shirley

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  37. Susan H writes: Again thanks to all for your encouraging words of love and support. It is Tuesday morning. Chris spent the night with Jane last night. The doctor reports that her blood work is looking better. She is still in and out of coherency. I will work on an actual blog entry in the coming days. Chris has explained the process. I too don't know what to do, such a feeling of helplessness. Our prayers and positive thoughts are probably the best we are able to do at this point.

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  38. Susan H writes: Susie R. will remember the wonderful words of little Owen as Susie said, "I love you Owen" Owen replied, "I love my Mom"

    Susan H writes: "I love my Mom!"

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  39. Susan, it's been so nice to hear from you on your mom's blog. Thank you for letting us all know how she's doing. Her posts are obviously missed. She and your dad are very lucky to have so many people who care about them. Especially kids who will endure uncomfortable situations, hop on a bus at a moments notice and maintain a much-loved blog. I hope her knowing that helps Jane in her healing process somehow. Hang in there.

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  40. We love your Mom, too.

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  41. Thanks for updating... I'm hopeful that Jane turns the corner. Last weekend we gave a memorial for a friend who passed. She'd had a hard life, some major challenges (cancer, strokes, etc), but rebounded repeatedly back to good health, and managed to make it to 89! Miracles do happen. I hope Jane's body doesn't betray her lively spirit. Please keep posting updates. -- an admirer in Washington State.

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  42. Susan, thank you for sharing your thoughts on your mother's and father's conditions. We at OUAT will continue to pray for Jane's spunk to return to grace us all with her lively musings. She is a fighter - in spirit. Please let us know how they are doing. Many hugs to you, Chris and Tim for taking on these sometimes overwhelming tasks.
    -Maureen Palacios

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