MEMORIAL MEMORIES

In sorting through the stacks of cards that have arrived over the past six months........get well cards, birthday cards, thinking-of-you cards and messages of condolence, there was a letter from Lisa (pictured above) that I thought summed up Mr. Bob's memorial service better than anything I could write and I'd like to share it with you here.

                         ††††††††††††††††††††††

Dear Jane,

Words are not easy to find.

I didn't want to write until after Bob's memorial. I was sure I would learn a great deal from the Humphrey approach to a major Life event......always with inspiration, imagination, creativity and heart. I knew I would be touched. I knew I would find many valuable lessons. I did not know it would transcend any memorial I've ever attended. It was absolutely perfect from the warm greetings, to the beautiful photographs, to the heartfelt words, to the cloud of pure love emanating from the room. Your family was absolutely beautiful, each and every one. They did their father and their grandfather and their mother proud.

Tim's solo, joined by the jazz band was one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard. It expressed what could never be said with words. And, to end with "When the Saints Go Marching In" and the proud parade of the jazz umbrella.......was to know, without doubt, that a saint went marching in.

I found myself celebrating how loudly Bob lived.....in a very quiet way. I learned so much in his presence. People who live out loud never seem to have the same powerful effect of men like Bob who have no need to brag and boast. Actions define them. I was enheartened by those observations. I watched a real man love his life, his family, his wife, and his friends while saying very few words.

One of my indelible memories will always be the example you both set as husband and wife. It is unparalleled and will always guide me.......perfect in any imperfections, sweeter than any relationship I have ever observed. I have watched you and Bob live it consistently. You were incredible teachers.

The other words that will linger was the compliment that will always define you and Bob........that you changed the Manor. Your presence, your energy, your creativity, your warmth, your service ....gave it new heart, new soul. How beautifully the words were shared and how much it compliments you and Bob. That is a legacy!  That is something to strive for.......and you accomplished that by the sincere act of being yourselves!


Again, I am enheartened.
                                                                All my love,
                                                                              Lisa

Tim spoke of the music that his dad had appreciated.

Tim had taken a few clarinet lessons ten years ago, soon giving it up.
His playing at the memorial came as a complete surprise.

The Golden Eagle Jazz Band marched in after Tim played the opening bars.

Mr. Bob would have loved the music, but he'd never in the world have believed his memorial would draw such a crowd.

My words were few. I said that I had indeed married well and that Mr. Bob would be sorely missed.

Owen and his cousin, Ethan, were models of decorum
during the memorial.

Jeanine had spoken earlier of Mr. Bob winning the
jazz umbrella. He made a gift of it to her and we
were surprised that she brought it to the event and
marched to "When the Saints Go Marching In".

The Manor kitchen prepared a feast of delectable food.

Mr. Bob loved mariachi music, and so did the guests.

Here is Susan and her beautiful daughter and two sons. It was a blessing we
could all be together.

Memorial: A farewell party for someone who already left.z

FIVE YEARS AGO

My daughter-in-law, Frances, might as well have a PhD in Organization......she's that good at it. She offered to be helpful in sorting through what's in my Assisted Living room, so yesterday, we started the task. Two hours later I was in tears at the need to dump so much of what I had thought to be important. Letters from authors and illustrators, lots of little notebooks with tidbits of information, important to no one but myself, articles about places I'd hoped to visit, restaurant possibilities. Goodbye to all of it.

One thing I happened across was the draft of the speech I gave at Chris and Frances's wedding banquet five years ago. It was one of the happiest occasions I'd ever attended. Wait.......it was THE most jubilant gathering of my life (tied, perhaps, by Mr. Bob's memorial service.....more on that tomorrow).

Here's what I had to say:

I can't tell you how happy I am to be here at this celebration. Most of you are probably aware that Chris and Frances have known each other for 20 years and have been "an item" for the last twelve years. Tonight I have a few words to say about patience.

Christopher, from birth, has always done things in his own good time and in his own way. When he was two years old we enrolled in a Mommy & Me class and on the first day of the session he refused the offer of bells and wouldn't march with the other children in a circle. He stood close by my side and watched. This went on for week after week until finally one day he accepted the bells and joined in the march.........never mind that he went in the opposite direction of his classmates.  I felt that my patience had paid off.

Several years ago Frances related an interesting story about something that had happened with a friend and I said, "Frances, we should have a party so I could meet all of your interesting friends." and Frances's answer surprised me when she said, "That would be called a wedding." At that time there were no upcoming plans for a marriage between our son and his beloved Frances, but patience was called into practice......and here we are tonight, celebrating with family and friends that wedding which took place yesterday.

Along with wishing this perfectly matched couple a long and happy marriage, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the Hui family for the patience you've displayed and to assure you that when a Humphrey male finally commits with his heart and soul, it's forever.

                                                                                                                            Next, Mr. Bob said a few words during which his emotions rose to the surface. It was an evening of happy tears, laughter, and tremendous good cheer as the occupants of the head table worked their way through the room to give each guest the opportunity to toast the newlyweds.

 
I'm not at all sure that I didn't blog about this five years ago. I hope your memory of reading about it is as foggy as my own.

Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy.Saadi

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY

I'VE DONE IT MORE THAN ONCE. Super Bowl Sunday is rated almost as high as Christmas or Easter or Halloween, I fear. I don't know what that says about our culture but I'm totally out of step in this reverence for sports. Only in the last few years has the realization of the coming event entered my mind.


In the book business, it's a tricky thing to stage successful autograph sessions with authors and illustrators. We had some good ones in my time, but other times when I sat and visited with the dignitary just because there were few people there to get books signed. It's even happened with some well-known people. Rosemary Wells, who is about as high on the children's author/illustrator ladder as one can get, sat for minutes at a time with no one but me to talk to.


One year I scheduled a little known author to appear on a Sunday afternoon at the store. I don't know at what point it dawned upon me what I had done in arranging it for Super Bowl Sunday, but suffice it to say that no one came. Oh, maybe one or two did, but it was a tortuous day as we sat there honoring the time we'd announced for her appearance. It went on and on and on, into infinity. When she was gathering up her things to depart, I said that perhaps we could reschedule an appearance? and she opined, "Yes, maybe on the afternoon of the Oscars." Mortification.


Then a couple of years ago I did it again. Susan was visiting from Alaska and I wanted to arrange a gathering of family and her friends to greet her. Darned if it didn't turn out to be the same Sunday as the Super Bowl. How could anyone do it twice in a lifetime? There wasn''t another available Sunday, so I fell back on the old saying which I absolutely love, "If you can't hide it, paint it red." That seems to be the theme of my life. And when you stop to consider it, it works pretty darned well.


In the room for entertaining at the Manor there is a television set, so sports fans could watch to fracas on the field while the rest of us visited. We served sporty snacks and it all worked out quite well, actually.


But I'll try never to make that sort of faux pas again, Twice in a lifetime should be plenty enough. And yes, one of us watched it on television yesterday, the other was on the periphery, lurking. All I came away with was a wish that my stamina could halfway match that of Madonna's. 

“Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.”

Eugene J. McCarthy

GUNG HEY FAT CHOY

YEAR OF THE DRAGON

DO’s & DON'Ts on NEW YEAR’s DAY:

- Greet others with "Gung Hey Fat Choy" which means "Wishing You Prosperity and Wealth".

- Give two lee see’s to each child. Because happiness comes in two’s, do not just give one. This is your way of passing good luck to the next generation. Business owners also givelee see’s to employees and associates.

- Wear brand new clothes - preferably in red. Children should wear new clothes and new shoes.

- Don’t wash your hair.

- Don’t sweep the floor.

- Don’t greet people who are in mourning.

- Don’t drop your chopsticks.

- Don’t say the number ‘four’ (Chinese homonym for death) or mention death.

- Don’t borrow or lend money.

As you prepare for this important holiday, think of the changes you want to make in your life ... perhaps spend more time with your family, reduce your credit card debts or pursue a new interest. Gung Hey Fat Choy ... and Happy New Year!

I always feel a little like an impostor when I try to take part in Chinese traditions, reading up on them ahead of time. Only this morning did I realize that I should have sent 2 lee sees. Somehow I had missed that. But last Thursday I tucked 5 brand new $2 bills into the red envelope and hoped against hope that it would arrive in Castro Valley on time. One can't be sure with the post office these days.

Today an instant text message arrived showing that it got there and dear Owen's reaction. 

Hooway!

YEAR'S END IS NEITHER AN END NOR A BEGINNING. BUT A GOING ON, WITH ALL THE WISDOM THAT EXPERIENCE CAN INSTILL IN US. 

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

O TANNENBAUM

WHAT WAS THERE ABOUT THIS YEAR that made me decide on a whim to purchase a tree? It's to be a year of no material gifts whatsoever, neither given, nor received and I surprised myself by buying an 8 inch wreath and a small swag for our front door, mostly so we could get a whiff of Christmas now and again. That aroma is too good to give up and before my purchases dried up, they didn't offer much in the way of the sweet smell of Christmas.

I passed this sign on the way home from breakfast last Sunday and circled the block, whipped into a parking place and asked my Scrooge how he felt about choosing a tree. Amazingly, he was game and soon reappeared with a perfect little evergreen.

At home he emerged from the passenger side with his tree just as Clara was finishing her three-times-around-the-block-equals-one-mile ritual and she insisted on hanging the tree on her walker to take it inside.

Although she lives on the first floor, she marched on to the elevator and when we got to our door, Clara had the littlest Christmas tree waiting for us.

I couldn't resist taking a picture for the archives. I know that we had a traditional live tree, fully decorated, as the children were growing up, but I wonder at what point we jettisoned the practice to devote all of our energies toward the extra hours of retail demands at that time of year.

Our daughter remembers, perhaps too vividly, the year I was determined to have a tree in every room of the house and proceeded to buy our six trees, standing them in buckets of water on the patio and after Christmas, carrying them from the back yard out to the trash pickup location at the curb. They never saw the inside of the house. A total waste of money. Foolish and frustrating, more so even than the year I mixed up several batches of cookie dough in November, labeling them with oven temperature and baking time before finding room for them in the freezer. My organizational efforts always fail and we didn't get around to Christmas cookie baking until the next February.

So you can see the import of acquiring a tree this year of all years, a year that I can't label "bad" even though we've been challenged beyond anything that's happened to us before. I can't speak for Mr. Bob, but I have found unexpected gifts in the situation, perhaps most of all the receiving of your friendship as you've cheered us on along this unknown path.

"Tradition:

sit with husband

in a room

lit only by 

tree lights and remember that 

our blessings outnumber the lights. 

Happy Christmas to all!"

                                                                                      Betsy Caños Garmon

OUR 2011 THANKSGIVING

HOW I WISH I had kept a record of our 59 Thanksgivings. Each the same at its core, but with variations on the basic theme. This year it was decided that eating here at the Manor was too good an idea to pass up.......no preparation (I love the image of women at church services, hands smelling of onions on the morning of the holiday) and better yet, no clean up. 

Remember 2010 when Roger was recuperating following a lengthy illness and we brought turkey  to the hospital cafeteria? (for the curious amongst you, Fiona is still going strong, but this year chose to go with lady friends to dinner and a movie.)


It was Chef Darin's first Thanksgiving at the Manor and along with oven roasted bird, he offered deep fried turkey which unanimously we voted the "best turkey we'd ever eaten". The rest of the feast was quite traditional. Good, good, good.


Roger and Mr. Bob wore their Reyn Spooner holiday shirts, dated 2008, Roger's with a darker background than Mr. Bob's, but the same design. 

After dinner we repaired to Diane and Roger's beautiful home for pumpkin pie and to decorate their Christmas tree, using the fairytale ornaments that Diane bought at our "estate sale", finding them under a pile of junk. 

It's a good thing to see them used properly. Most years, after the kids were grown and gone, we didn't put up a tree and when we did, only a few of the fairytale ornaments found their way to the limbs along with our other baubles. Diane knows how to do it right and her tree was a marvel to behold.

Tim's height helped to place the messenger of God at the tiptop where angels belong and voila!

Let Christmas begin!

"The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect!"

                    ~ Charles S. Barnard

HALLOWE'EN FUN

WHILE WE'RE STRONGLY in favor of tradition, it's kind of fun for each celebration to have a personality of its own. I've not kept a record, so I can't say 1984 was the year we did such-and-such. It would be interesting if we could. 

Am I going to be reading this year on October 31? I doubt it.

Will we be going out to choose pumpkins at our favorite produce stand? No.

Will we be shopping for costumes and decorations? Probably not.

 




Will we
be getting ready to go trick or treating? Not this year.

How about carving a jack-o'-lantern? Possibly. Possibly not.

Might we be horsing around with Hallowe'en tricks? Not likely.

Will we don costumes to greet neighborhood children? No.

Instead of the above,

we'll be doing

what you see below.

Surgery is scheduled

for 7:30 a.m. on

the morning

of 

Hallowe'en.

I've birthed three babies, always in a hospital; had two cataracts removed as an out-patient and the picture above was taken when I had a digestive system malfunction a few years ago. Now it's time to go to the hospital again, for a mastectomy. Not my idea of fun, but a sure way of remembering Hallowe'en, 2011. 

On Hallowe'en the thing you must do

Is pretend that nothing can  frighten you

And if somethin' scares you and you want to run

Just let on like it's Hallowe'en fun.                                                    ~Author Unknown