Wednesday, December 21, 2011


I'LL FOREVER WONDER if the reason I came through the mastectomy without losing my sanity might be because I had become so hungry for something different to do that I welcomed even what promised to be a negative experience. I'm a hypochondriac who is deathly afraid of doctors, and the family marveled at what appeared to be "bravery" on my part, but I don't think it could be termed "courage" and certainly not "fearlessness" embarrassing if it was merely "boredom".

So after seeing Mr. Bob through months of treatment (and one of these days I must come clean about what living with chemo was REALLY like, but not just yet), and weeks of my own tests and surgery and recuperation and the beginning of my own  chemotherapy program, the last week of "rest" between medications has been what in the drug world might be termed a "trip". 

Even though my eyesight seems to have dimmed somewhat, my receptors have been overwhelmed with insights and ideas and appreciations. One night I made myself get up at 3 a.m. to write down some of the thoughts that were flooding my brain, just so I could fall back into the sleep that usually comes so easily.

I've been letting myself be more spontaneous about going places and following through on ideas, dragging my own precious Scrooge along with me, so far with less complaints from him than when I'm trying to please him rather than myself. 

A friend I'd not seen for months suggested meeting for lunch last week and the actuality brought me such pleasure that I determined to indulge myself more often. That very same evening we joined our former neighbors for our monthly Chinese dinner at a big round table with a lazy Susan in the middle, laden with succulent offerings; definitely the way to go at an Asian restaurant is with a large group which gives one a taste of many flavors. After dinner I drove through Montrose which always enhances one's Christmas spirit.  The tree that was written about in scathing terms in our local paper didn't shock me at all, but rather brought a smile to my face because it dared to be so different. I know who wrote the letter of complaint and I'm sitting on my hands to keep from responding. Christmas isn't the time to be argumentative.

Two days later, we partied rather than stitching at the weekly Needlepoint Group, with lunch and an ornament exchange that was good fun.

Breakfast with friends on  Sunday, after which, wonder of wonders, I was moved to get the first Christmas tree we've had in probably 15 years. I'll do a separate entry about it. I still can't believe it happened as I marvel at the whiffs of Christmas that emanate from it.

Remember, everything that I like, I tend to do in excess and being sprung from what felt like bondage, showed that tendency of mine, so on Monday after taking Mr. Bob to the cardiologist ("everything's fine.....see you in 3 months"), we stopped at Leon's, a new bakery in town and shared a pulled pork sandwich with extra aioli.

Mr. Bob's radiation

appointment on Tuesday took longer than usual; I would have had to drive over the speed limit to get back to the Manor before they stopped serving dinner, so I found a parking place and we enjoyed seafood at Clancy's......Mr. Bob ordered cedar plank salmon. He said not a word about its being good. I hope it was. My fish and chips were excellent.

This morning early I descended to the bowels of the building and had my hair washed and blown dry before rising to the occasion of taking Bob for his daily dose of electromagnetic waves; from there to the credit union and next our minivan nosed its way to a place called The Toasted Bun where we had a late breakfast.

I'm ashamed of the amount of hedonism I've exhibited in this past week. In my heart of hearts I know that I'd do it again, given the chance. I can feel a New Year's resolution or 2 coming up. Meanwhile, "DECADENCE" is my word of the month. At a nearby school, it appears to be something else.

"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful."
                                  ~ Mae West


  1. Sounds as if you are doing well living in the moment and enjoying it. Good for you. You have a remarkable spirit, and I will remember your wonderful example when I am experiencing adversity. I wish you both a wonderful Christmas, and a happy birthday to Bob!!!

  2. I am beginning to think that our true task on this planet is to INDULGE ourselves in the sensuous wonders that the Good Lord placed at our feet! We lack gratitude and imagination when we don't wrap ourselves in DELIGHT. So your post makes incredible sense and you have given so many marvelous examples of how to live JOY-FULLY on a daily basis!

    aka Lisa

  3. My oh my...

    What are they putting in that treatment they are giving you ?

    You have more energy that anyone three times younger than you are.

    KEEP IT UP....

    The good Lord above is giving you such a gift...HE has allowed you to experience life the way we should ALL experience life and the best part of it've taken us all on the ride with you.

    Enjoy your outings and I'm sure Mr. Bob loved his meal too. He's sure come around from how he was feeling from his earlier treatments. God Bless him...

    .......God Bless you too...Super Woman !!!

    I think Santa surely must be bringing you a cape to wear with all of your new found super energy !!!

    God Bless you and Bob both. I'm so proud of both of're doing just GREAT !!!


  4. I have never read a single article (I refuse to call it a blog) of yours that failed to be heartfelt, or engaging, or whimsical, and --clever hockey-player that you are--often you pulled off a hat trick.

  5. ho can say what is "too much" of a good thing?? I think Mae West had it figured out!! And who has the right to create a measuring stick to say what is enough and what is too much? How do they know?? So deciding for ourselves what we like and how much we want seems right on to me!! I bet Mr. Bob has more fun when you are making YOU happy rather than trying to figure out what makes him happy. Seems like you know quite well how to stay on the right track for everybody! Sending love and many good wishes for the approaching New Year. There is lots of living in store for all of us to be doing! Evelyn

  6. We Minnesotans think you SoCals are pretty weird but we also know you are the antenna of our futures. Hedonism, eh?

  7. Love this whole post Jane. I felt the life in you and Bob inn all the travels, stops and oh my...I am so grateful because you remind all of us that no matter what...we need to live.

  8. I love it, I love it. And look forward to hearing about your Christmas tree. :)

  9. Note to Ted---Embrace hedonism and invite your friends in Min-uh-SEW-ta along for the ride. Jane has excellent antenna---so, be prepared to 'go with.'

  10. Oh Jane, you are a wonderful spirit in our life. Have some fun.....don't behave! Stay strong and enjoy the season.
    Yah I danced last night so ain't behaving. " )
    A Non Y Mouse

  11. Does West Coast hedonism include those group hugs after church services? If so, I think it's already in Minnesota along with Asian carp.

  12. Love to see all of these places- including my old school! What's the story with the tree?