Friday, June 17, 2011


I'VE BEEN BESIDE MYSELF with the sadness of it all and on top of everything, I'd let myself get hurt feelings over some of Mr. Bob's thoughtlessly uttered words. Intellectually, I realized that anything could be excused under the circumstances, but the sobbing wouldn't stop, no matter how hard I tried and I had to dodge around the premises to avoid running into people because I'd be unable to make intelligible sounds of explanation.

Having heard from a mutual acquaintance that Mr. Bob would like to see me, I was on my way to his room in the Health Center, my face wet with tears, barely able to see where I was going when all of a sudden a figure appeared right in front of me, seemingly out of nowhere. It was a person who is rarely seen around the Manor these days.....he's out in the neighborhood, performing his duties as Director of Community Relations. Mr. Bob and I have been particularly fond of this gentle man; so much so, that months ago I asked if he'd consider conducting my memorial service when that time comes. And I've only suggested that to one person before.... a man who is no longer on this plane of existence. I don't make such a request to just anyone.

For the next 30 minutes, at least, this magnificent soul sat down with Mr. Bob and me and assured us that he'd be with us all the way wherever this current journey takes us and the most comforting part was that he didn't offer up any of the platitudes you'd expect of an ordained minister, but he gave voice to our feelings that it's a rotten, no-good, crummy situation we find ourselves in and we can expect to get madder 'n hell at the smallest things, and to cry and wail and carry on and to affirm our love and cling to each other as we ricochet through this experience, one for which nothing heretofore has prepared us.

A half hour from sitting down, my tears had morphed from anguish to gratitude and I'd found some of the "peace" promised in the mantra I'd been repeating to myself when I remembered, which I'm ashamed to say wasn't always. "Thou shalt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee."

He'll be back, he said and left us with his card, ordering me to call him any time and he'll come at a moment's notice. "Will you send us a bill?", I asked, because he's also a licensed therapist. His answer was, "Probably not". 

And then, with the nurse's blessing, we went to dinner with Tim and our former neighbors who meet once a month for Chinese food. 

We have much for which to be thankful and I now look up to Mr. Doug even more than I did in the past, months ago, when this picture was taken.

                                                                           Marie Lloyd


  1. Oh, how beautiful, Jane. And what a precious photo. A friend once told me that God often comes to us in the form of friends. You saw God in Mr. Doug, I'd say.

    Much Love,


  2. so grateful you found him and he found you two.

    --denise f

  3. You have an amazing way of knowing/choosing a quote that says it all so profoundly.

    Thank you for being such good teachers, Jane and Bob.

  4. We are going through this very issue with our family (Dad's kidney cancer) it's been 15 months.....with recent no good news & emotions are running hot. I forget all the time, my mom & I, our relation suffers the brunt. Like my dad says ' life ain't easy.'

    Where is the grace....


    Thinking of you both.

  6. You really have such an honest, beautiful way of communicating the rollercoaster of emotions that any of us would be experiencing with all this, Jane. My heart goes out to you both that you're having to go through this agony. You're both so good, and I hate thinking about how hard it must be. Big Hugs to you both. xoxox

  7. comment check...comment check...I just lost a great one...sorry, 2nd time I spent time with a winner only to lose it somewhere in the Manor. Sorry about that...wish me luck !

  8. Oh good, I found the trick. My lost comment had to do with Mr Doug looking a lot like the "Preacher" John Carradine in the Grapes of Wrath, as he consoled Tom Joad in a soulful manner when both were searching for life`s answers. We all need a special someone to listen to and trust as we work our way through life. Mr. Doug fits right in and I`m so glad you have him to share your thoughts with. And we to share your pain in understanding our dear friend Mr. Bob as he deals with yet another challange..we have your back Mr. Bob. Keep the faith Miss Jane.

  9. I'm so glad Doug has intervened. You both deserve all the support you can get and he is close but still an outsider, not all wrapped up in the situation.
    Been thinking of you and Bob. Adding prayers to thoughts.

  10. Dear Jane
    I feel my English is not good enough to convey to you and Mr Bob how much near you I feel these days.
    I can not find the right words to tell you how much I do appreciate your honesty.
    I read your posts as soon as I open my e-mail. I
    would like to help you somehow, I would like you to feel my support from afar.
    All my love!

  11. Oh Jane ! I can't find the words ......
    just - love.

  12. Dear Jane and Mr Bob,

    I can't stop the tears for you either. But I'm so thankful some prayers have been answered with the arrival of Mr Doug. I hope you can feel the support of all your friends coming through these emails.

    love, edie

  13. Thank you all (and Dave 3 times) for your supportive comments. You have no idea how much it means to us to find such caring responses as you join us on this current journey. Each one of you is a blessing. Thanks for being there.

  14. Hello,
    I am helplessly sending love to you two
    and to all the dear folks
    gathered round you.


  15. Susan H writes: See mom, you had told me how great it would be if the Manor had a counselor available...........and God provided the perfect person. I am in awe. Thank you for your honest writing, love, Susan