Friday, October 28, 2011


THERE'S SOMETHING I must tell you. I am surrounded by women, both acquaintances and longtime friends who love being independent. I admire that so much, but the truth of the matter is, now that independence is being forced upon me, I don't like it at all. Mr. Bob has always spoiled me and I've loved it and tried to show my appreciation to him. My attempts at reciprocation have not pleased him at all. He'd rather do things himself. It's taken all these years and cancer for me to realize this.

It started when it became necessary for me to become the family driver. I loved being chauffeured and Mr. Bob was always apparently happy to take me anywhere I wanted to go, even circling the block when I missed a good photo opportunity. After his accident our world became all-of-a-sudden much smaller and I could no longer take pictures out of the window as we traveled from here to there. It's been nearly two years now and my neuropathic feet still can't feel the pedals, but I'm pretty good at faking it.

Of late, he opts to stay in our apartment rather than riding along wherever we're headed. I honor that decision, but I miss his companionship tremendously. Today was a good was a full day starting at 8 a.m. when I left for the hospital for pre-admittance. The woman processing me had a cold and blew her nose several times without using hand sanitizer, all the while handing me forms to sign. I didn't keep track of how many there were, but toward the end, she was licking her finger to pick up the next form and handing it to me. Not only do I not want to catch a cold this near to surgery, but we've been careful to guard Mr. Bob from exposure while he's undergoing chemotherapy. I've never thought of myself as having mysophobia, but today that was my middle name.

I thought I'd learned to be fairly straight forward in dealing with people, but I found myself unable to confront her, but my next stop was to see the admitting nurse and I was comfortable enough with him to tell all. He was astounded and promised to tell her supervisor. Next time I passed her window she wasn't there.

Next I had to go to the lab for a blood test. The lady drawing was good. I think I've told you that I've taken to asking the person at the other end of the needle if they're good at what they do, and if they brag that they are, they're usually not. Her answer when I asked was that I'd soon enough know if she was. I gave her an A+.

Then to the next room for an EKG. I made the mistake of asking the technician what she was going to be for Hallowe'en and her terse answer was that she doesn't observe Hallowe'en, so I zipped my lip.

Next was my appointment with the orthopedic surgeon who planned to talk about surgery on my knee which is becoming alarmingly knock-kneed, causing difficulty with walking. That was out of the question with what is planned for Monday morning, so it became a matter of whether to put cortisone in my shoulder or my knee. The knee won. Usually I'd have Bob's hand to hold and squeeze and I tried to keep my hand off the doctor's arm but ended up squeezing his elbow during the painful parts as he worked around the large floating bone spurs. Tears flowed, I'm ashamed to say.

All of these medical matters took quite a long time and when I got myself back to the Manor, I found it decorated for the coming day.

The costume party for residents and staff was scheduled for 2 this afternoon. Mr. Bob declined going down to fulfill his position of historian / photographer, so I filled in. Lots of creativity was evident.

Glendale has a very large Armenian population
and as a culture, are very family oriented, taking care of their own. I must say I've never been aware of a homeless Armenian, so Victor's costume was amusing and clever.
Excellent maintenance man, John
Carlos, in charge of many

Witch Hazel
One of the student interns

Ghostly nails on Jeanne, our hairdresser
Mr. Bob said he'd go for wine and cheese on the patio, but only to visit, rather than to imbibe. Once there, he drank wine, ate his share of cheese and every grape on the little bunch served to us. And then he stayed for supper, which was a good thing, even if the mixed messages mystify me.

I'm weary tonight. It was a very full day and my head aches.
Taking a bus from S.F. Chinatown
to Chinatown in Los Angeles.
And then to Glendale.
Leaving at 7 a.m. to get to
Burbank at almost 9 p.m

Susan and Chris will arrive tomorrow!

Let the laughter begin! I'm ready to be coddled and cosseted as in the days of yore. Tim's been doing a fine job and is ready for the back-up troops to arrive.

"Most of us would never consider getting our car repaired without first receiving an estimate of the charges, but this is exactly what we do when we need to go to a hospital for treatment."
Dan Lipinski


  1. Keeping you all in my thoughts and heart. XO

  2. You are throwing back the veil of medical makes it less scary.

    Love and blessings if I don't see you before Monday.

  3. Is agree with the above post. I feel like i am there in the halls with you as you write these blogs. And never, ever be ashamed to cry. I know for sure that i cry when great things happen to good people, when the dentist gets the "nerve in a root canal..and on. Not huge deep sobs but tears and sniffles if necessary..I love the holidays at the Windsor....And i have a niece, now 22, who used to belong to a church in her youth and did not celebrate Halloween. Her Birthday is October 31st and it always made me sad to know have extra fun with her. Your joy will hit those who need to feel it. You and Bob were made to be historians! So good to hear the family is on its way...............

  4. Some of us who are indepndent also like to have someone to lean on now and then. And it wouldn't hurt for you to invite one of us to accompany you on these errands so they are not so lonely if you cared to have company. Your Mr. Bob isn't always available anymore, but some of your friends might be happy to fill in for him, if that would help. At the same time, it is good to see you facing this experience on your own with obvious courage! It's really a big blessing that your children are available to support you through this big ordeal. Maybe Bob runs out of the capacity to be supportive when he is using up all the energy he has to keep his own balance. He may not want too much hovering of caring people around him but I'm sure his illness has drained him of his usual capacity to function as in years gone by. I know you miss the way it used to be. He probably does too but maybe can't say so. Serious illness can make ones world a great deal smaller -- often drains us in ways that we don't realize and don't understand ourselves as well as others. Sending you love and white light and compliments for coping successfully in spite of it all! Evelyn

  5. Ah, Jane -- I hope you and Bob get to enjoy having the kids around all at the same time. Give them plenty to do for you -- they will appreciate it!
    Best wishes for your surgery, Jeannie

  6. I'm so sorry I wasn't able to be there for you on this one. And thank you for understanding why I wasn't able to be there.

    Come November 14th when you see a billboard for "The Soup" with Joel McHale, know that that's what I was working on! -Tim

  7. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow! Maybe I'll see Chris and Susan...Love, Shelley

  8. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
    Mark Twain

    Keeping you and Bob in my thoughts and prayers.

  9. Stay strong Babe ! Keep the stories acomin' They are great. So are the photos. A Non Y Mouse

  10. You are both exceedingly brave, in my opinion. You've done remarkably well, and will stay in my memory for the times in my life when I face difficulties, Jane and Bob. I'm glad your family is rallying round you. It will help to know you have those you love surrounding you. What great kids you raised. I will have you on my mind this and every Halloween from here on...

  11. Dear miss Jane....oh how nice to see your musesings refreshing to read your "lil`" issues of the day we take so much for granted. I`m deep in the heart of Oregon, trucking along, enjoying the dreary days of cool fog and seamingly life in slow motion. You sound great and do hope you continue sharing your "interesting" life with us all. Please know I too deeply miss our "mr.bob" and carry his picture with me to remind me of the simple but wonderful times together. Plug on my dear, you have a lot to say and we love hearing it. Your a special person in our lives....