Friday, January 27, 2012


WHERE HAS HE GONE? We weren't silly all the time in the 60 years we've known each other, but we had a lot of laughing moments together. Mr. Bob has a playful side that is utterly delightful. Everybody who gets to see it is instantly charmed. It's not the "lampshade on the head" sort of humor, but his very own brand that I don't know quite how to describe. By nature, he's a quiet man and when his impish quality peeps out it's a bit of a surprise and very endearing.


The next 3 pictures show him playing with Owen.

The playful nature still shows once in a while when we're with other people, so I know it's still there, but for the past 8 months since cancer has invaded our lives, there've been no mischievous moments at home. And I miss that, terribly. It seems that dealing with various combinations of chemotherapy and radiation saps our combined strength and most often results in irritation, anger, irk as we ruffle each other's feathers. And we live in very small quarters; there's only one other room to storm into when it gets to be too much.  My daughter tells me that what we're going through is monumental and staggering, with two of us battling the same disease. It's a good thing we're living in a retirement community where there's frequent opportunity to put on our happy faces and interact with other people. 

I fervently hope this is a temporary condition and worry a little that a year is plenty long to form new habits, even bad ones. Keeping this web log is a wonderful outlet for me. Television and napping seem to be Mr. Bob's salvation. As my friend's mother says, "We'll get through this, but we won't ever look the same."

"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly."  
                                                  ~Rose Franken


  1. Nice to see you got a picture of my playmate in there too.
    I know that the pair of you could crack her up.

  2. Oh my goodness, but the truth is painful and joyful at the same time. Is there a manual written on how to do life with the circumstances you two are in? And even if there is, it cannot factor in the uniqueness of the individuals. I feel as i write this that the humor today, is the normal today. It is the sum of life experiences at this time and you have said that you know it is still there. That last photo, one of my favorites, is who you two are. The pictures with Owen show who Bob is....we know you as much as you let us. Thank you Jane for the pleasure.... Kathy

  3. It's not fair that you make me cry when I'm at work! I'm very moved by this post. Damn you!

  4. I mean Damn you in a nice way.

  5. I've seen that twinkle in both of you -never gave it much thought until you dig into it -making me realize why you are both so much fun. God bless, these problems shall pass. What a journey - not boring, is it?

  6. I agree with Susan. The challenges that have been foisted upon you two would test the strongest relationship. I'm always amazed by celebrity couples who divorce after just a few years. So often the reason cited is "We've grown apart." What does that mean? You're married! Grow back together again! That what marriage is. It's hard and challenging and deeply rewarding if you don't throw in the towel at the first sign of turbulence. "Fasten your seat belt. We're in for a bumpy ride." XO

  7. Oh, Jane, I can only imagine how hard it must be for only one of you to be going through so much, but it seems totally normal for two people with all the stresses you've been under to lose some of that humorous least for a while.

    I hope it does come back, for the two of you. You've been through such incredible things the last months...thinking of you both...

  8. Sometimes I don't know what would be worse: having something wonderful and then suffering it's absence, or never having it at all. My husband is a dear and kindly man, but has always been serious and stoic. We've never really had the playfulness and humor that I've seen other couples enjoy, and I've longed for it at times. He has tried, but it just isn't his nature, and of course I love so many other things about him that it doesn't matter in the big picture. You are fortunate to have had a lifetime of laughter together, and I'm sorry that your spirits are dampened by the health challenges. You are right that living in a community is beneficial. It is what I will vote for when we need to downsize from the house we've lived in for almost 3 decades, thanks in part to your wonderful insights on this blog. They say laughter is the best medicine, so I hope it finds its way back into your lives soon.

  9. There is a book called Passages by Gail Sheehy. We all go through stages in our life and we all handle things differently.

    I know Dad had to have bypass surgery when he was only in his 50's ( age )...and Mom noticed a big change in him after that surgery. Different things that happen to us in life affect us all in different ways.

    I like to look at the picture that your Christopher took "What Christopher Saw" with Bob's arm around his darling wife. To me....that says it all.

    Some of us struggle within ourselves and don't know how to show our feelings or even wonder if we have feelings about anything anymore. I would never take it personally.....ever. I think Bob had a much harder time with his treatments than you did...and it often takes so much out of a person. I still praise you both.

    You guys have been through a lot. The love there is so strong....WE feel it. Times and events sometimes play havoc on things. Sometimes they come back to normal and sometimes they do not.

    You two are BOTH still my inspirations in life....forever and always.

  10. PS.....Too much togetherness can sometimes NOT be a good thing under normal conditions. Since moving the The Manor, you two certainly have had that much togetherness. Before you had a large home and outdoors as an outlet. You're both battling cancer and stuck with each other in close quarters all the time most certainly is bound to happen.

    Maybe call a little "family meeting"...just the two of you. Look at each other and say THANK YOU...for being there all of these years by my side and I LOVE YOU. Bet you each at least get a smile.

    I think a fun trip to Trader Joes is on the "to do" list when Mr. Bob feels up to it. Park close so if he wants to go back to the car and wait....that's an option. Getting out often times makes me feel better.

  11. You two do so well ! Please keep smiling.
    A Non Y Mouse

  12. From here you two look better than ever.

  13. Strong and brave. Remarkable.

  14. From the play mate in red.

    I have such fond memories of the laughter that I shared with you and Mr Bob, the perfect double act. His humour used to strike when you were least expecting it and you were always quick to respond. I will always treasure the time I spent at your house.
    C'mon Mr Bob, make 'em laugh.

    Love, English Val x

  15. I'm so glad you've got all of the pictures and words over the years.

    Your feelings...your fears...your concerns.

    I think Mr. Bob didn't like the way he was feeling either and simply kept so much within. It must have been so hard for you both to be going through "cancer" at the same time.

    You each needed your own special time to be cared for and that never happened....really.

    Little did we sick Mr. Bob really was.